My wife has been mishandling the truth as of late and I want to help you if I can. The storm has passed, the boat is in tatters but still serviceable, its time to make port and see what can be done. For others, it may be a need to face their fears. The bottom line is that anyone who would knowingly sleep with a married man (or woman) especially when the wife is PREGNANT (as in my case) is a broken human being. Ive accepted things and Ive moved on completely. He turned so pale, looking like he honestly thought Id never find out at all. He allowed her to remain in control of how this would play out. Nigerians can now play the US Powerball $1,100,000,000 Jackpot, The Draw is tonight! with his or her lover? Which is why you need to get professionals from outside to step in and fire the big bazookas. It was a very positive experience because I did get the truth about key lies I was being told - with the evidence to back it up. It made things a lot worse in life. I could tell she didn't want to leave him. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. Because she will turn the tables on you and claim she can't trust you because you snooped. It's not about me. Too late for this article. It's called buyers remorse. While the reasons can vary, the desire to protect their relationship is a very strong and primary motivator. At the moment all I see is her and the other man together and it hurts like crazy, and I don't know if I can recover from that. Just Wow. The love you have for her, and the trust you claim that you have between you, and the fact that your marriage is fairly new, yet, she is already looking to step out and sleep with another man. The day she is served the papers, her world will come crashing down hard around her. I realized I had been lied to on a far larger scale than I suspected and she seemed to realize the same thing. So I did wait for a couple of weeks but then I sent him text messages and told him just what I thought of him and just how bad he had hurt me and my wife and that I was being moved by the Lord to let him know that I forgave him and would pray for him and that I was determined to make our marriage work no matter what . Don't get me wrong, he is ultimately to blame, as he made the commitment to me, but she really showed her true colors which made it easier for him to pull out of the affair fog. You might delude yourself into thinking you need to talk with the affair partner for reconnaissance purposes. I attempted to make him feel guilty for treating my wife like a cheap tramp and explained to him that, unlike him, I loved her and would take care of her., etc., etc., etc. Do you think that the other person has a good read on the situation? I insisted on being told the truth or she was to I feel a true sense of completion now. Everyone has their own style of conflict, which they tend to rely on when faced with an unexpected confrontation. I'd also add that if she's cheated this early into the relationshipthen honestly your chances of being married to a potential serial cheater are pretty high. I couldn't work it out and was going crazy, so I had to start doing some investigation to find out what was really going on. Go get a big steak, go lift some weights and then think about this. Their love cannot be denied. I want vengeance but everytime I seriously think about confronting her, I remember that I need her to stay with her poor cuckold of a husband so she wont be completely available. A: What you experience is a natural emotion of jealousy and insecurity. You might find out what would shock you: Before you agree to meet with the other man/woman you must analyze the possibilities of what you might be told and how it might I'm sure it is but you can't be thinking so emotionally, think logically for your own sake. I consider doing that an immature action. I'm the type of person that needs honest answers. E. There are better women out there. 3. At that point, you have 90% of the battle won. No trial, no investigation and proof. When you have all your ducks in a row, have gone past the PI phase, moved on with the evidence to an attorney, and the attorney has compiled it all together and made the initial moves and it is time to serve her the papers, you must still be nonchalant and appear ignorant about the giant moves underway. Some people respond by backing down, some people respond by attacking, and some people will try to avoid the confrontation Tell her if she enjoys the life she has she will submit to your "needs" or get thrown out of the house. break off all contact with you till I was informed. See what her answer is. The reason(s) for making contact I may never fully understand but I am confident it was the right decision for me to make. Not addressed to him but the office. 3. When she returns home with her cum stained panty underneath, please hug her again, and tell her how much you love her, and how she is the apple of your eye. We call the hubby a 'cuckolded husband'. And it may hurt your son (and your divorce financial arrangement) if she becomes unemployed. Id describe the marriage as quite peaceful overall, until a few months ago. Are you sure it's a councillor not a solicitor? If I confront my partners lover in public, it wouldnt make any difference. It was easy for her to manipulate his schedule in order for them to spend time together. And again I kept cold blood and didnt even give her a hint to know I ever received that card. I know I dont have to explain the devastation here. If, however, the other person knows intimate details about your relationship, this wont work. She was sick What I noticed most about her was her voice. Either you've got really low self-esteem and opt to be a side dish, or you're flamingly narcissistic. I would sit her down and ask her to explain why "she is confused and doesn't know what she wants from life" now.. when 12 months ago she wanted to get married. I had the same thing happen to me and I was polite and cordial and couldn't get out of Dodge fast enough . Probably not. Spaces fill up quickly for this course. Rick, thank you for this article. OK, so I realize youre probably in a very emotional state right now, and thats justified. But really, your wifes lovers are not the people with My advice is that you need to confront your wife. Your relationship is with her, not with her lovers. Just what I needed to hear. This material, and other digital content on this website, may not be reproduced, published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in whole or in part without prior express written permission from PUNCH. I know theyve I want to stay married. Now the dad is dying of cancer and maybe has a year to live. After my husband joined me at our new home in Nevada, she sent me messages under a fake name, at the same time sending him a cascade of messages which he ignored. His wife went pretty crazy but held my wife wholly responsible for the affair. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Your bed now. There is no room in my heart for hate. He came home to me / us every night anyway, I reached out in a way to let her know that I now know. How do I confront her? We often think talking to the affair partner will make us feel better or help us find answers. c) Reconciliationthat is if you so desire a reconciliation ( I personally would not). See a lawyer immediately to understand your options. I believe my spouse and I can talk things over and settle our differences without involving a third party. My wife will even marry the man. I have to wait for a half year. Good luck. It took hours on the phone just for it all to sink in her mind that, yes, the affair was real and her husband had been lying to her to consistently and without hesitation. We treat each other differently now. But a ship is not built to last, it it built to endure. Two more weeks go by with no contact. Tough! Let me repeat, do not confront your loving wife. I just need some answers and I am not getting them! Being in an affair has been likened to addiction, and in confronting the affair partner, you're trying to sober them up. Until I did. I have a public image to protect. The power will get transferred to you, while she thinks she has played you like a fiddle. All Rights Reserved. October 23rd (when the final email conversation took place with my husbands ap) was one of the MOST difficult days of my life. b) Making point a) above, redundantwherein you and your attorney so shame her with a few select documentary evidences of her picadilloes (promising her that a much larger cache evidence is available with your attorney), that she decides not to contest the divorce, and virtually signs on dotted lines. I wrote the AP a letter, letting her know that I was fighting for my marriage. Save. Your not a wimp for being cheated on or for being in shock at this discovery. She had been deceiving me for 2 years whilst having an affair with my husband, manipulating situations, even sending anon letters to give me hints he is over the side in the hope I will kick him out do they can be together without me ever realisingwhy all of the sudden she would be telling me the truth. As a result we dont talk, perhaps this is for the better.why do I need two faced people around me and my children. Do not reveal how you know. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. She had actually called me several times over the course of the affair. I will walk out of the marriage- Derek Agyei. She will need to resolve her feelings. I wish that for your sake he won't want to say anything in reply to what you say, but knowing APs, he will and it will be unpredictable and probably extremely painful what he says in reply, even if it isn't founded on truth. Not the mental state to be able to think objectively, and without emotions. 2. Sounds like you handled things like a lady. D. If she cheated on you she doesn't love you. You clearly know that. I also told Your wife is either going to fuck him and leave you, or fuck him and continue cheating on you. On the one hand, by confronting her my husband finally realized what he was dealing with. It didnt seem to bother her that he was lying to her - she just said what fun he must be having sleeping with us both. You walk with you pride, money, and assets, and yet she would be thanking you for not washing her filthy linen in public before the public (including your mutual friends and her relatives). if she lies to a judge about the affair and you have evidence than you have her on perjury. My husband would like to see his dad one more time, but we fear the in-laws will signal to the AP that he is coming and will try to arrange a meeting between them since they want so badly for my husband and the AP to get back together. My username is signalhill84. This was 1.5 years ago and they have maintained a close friendship with her. Nothing! Just up and moved. Your funeral. Anger for her betrayal, lies, and coverup. spouse. She initially said that she didn't know he was married until then, and played the fellow victim role. My ex suddenly wanted a divorce and it turned out it was so she could run off with a married mutual friend that I actually was asking for advice on what was wrong with her. I never responded after that. What would you do? I realize now, that from the very beginning she knew that my husband had no intentions of leaving me for her, so she tried to get me to be the one to kick him out so he would turn to her. WebTheres no point in confronting those lovers. And perhaps the most surprising feeling of all- elation, mixed with relief. It was helpful to me that I went into the marriage all those years ago with the attitude that I would not unnecessarily squander our marriage if he failed to live up to the commitment. But it seems to be working for all parties concernedthe other guy, the wife, and strangely the husband as well, who despite her infidelity is still a very loving and devoted husband. I hope you get by. She again became very angry with him telling him it's not her problem. I love her so much and am scared to confront her about it for fear of what may happen, I suppose I'm hoping if I ignore it she will get over it and everything will go back to normal, but I know deep down that this is naive and weak. Shes in LOVE with him. Will your spouse take your side? She also knew I wasn't the first affair and probably wouldn't be the last. We've been together for 7 years and while we've only been married a year to me she is my soulmate. He was visibly shaking during the encounter and when he cried to my wife she then saw him as pathetic. My wife has been acting very strangely, very distant over the last month, saying that she is confused and doesn't know what she wants from life. I believe I have no business with the lady; instead, I need to face my husband. We think they have no idea that when my husband met the AP, she was married to one man, living with another man, and getting on Ashley Madison looking for married men for sex. What youre going through, is called the dreaded grief cycle. Ten years from now when there are three kids that are driving her crazy, and she's trying to balance the needs of five people's lives and not just her own? But i hope i can be of some assistance. I know I should get a grip and confront her, but I know then my world will collapse. My mistake was I kept responding, and begging my husband to make her stop. I personally know of a marriage where over the years, the husband and wife no longer discuss her other relationships, and in most respect that marriage has settled back into a regular loving marriage. It still hurts and I need to move on. Of course he forwarded my email to her, and to my utter shock she let him know that she didn't feel the same as I did (she was still DEEP in the fog of the affair and hadn't confronted her illusions and rationalizations yet) and that her 'friendship' with him (old boyfriend from 30 years earlier) always had and always would be special to her. Space Is Limited. He may feel obligated to listen to her complain about you. The are so arrogant when they had the affair. TBH I don't know what my game plan is. When she does, I just make myself a fake profile using the name of fictional characters, and post all the details of her affair, including photos and videos she sent on her FB page, buried in comments on old posts. My partner lies whenever I have asked for the truth. This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life and she is off chasing other guys. This article originally appeared on YourTango. I just told her I KNOW what is going on with XXXXX. Maybe you agonized about doing this. If you know the other person, you may feel compelled to tell them that you know about the relationship and that their dirty little secret is out. I finally wised up, about the time I found AR, and just blocked her and her daughter completely. Marriages are based on open communication, trust, and a common goal. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. It only causes heartbreak for you. My husband had an affair when the kids were 8 and 13. So, lesson learned, do not contact the AP. Leave it up to her to decide what to tell her family. Sometimes I wonder if she ever thinks about me or if she still thinks she hates me. The letter outlined what had been going on in our lives over the last couple years and how I understood what and why my husband had been looking for attention. You need to be honest, upfront, and confront her with what you know. They don't even like for me to refer to him as their grandfather. You don't want anything to do with it, and must consider quitting your marriage before wifey's fascination for strange hot dogs takes epidemic proportions. Does it make a difference? I still feel like I did the right thing by exposing him to his family and his church, but the real issue was my wife; he was just a symptom. So so arrogant. There are times it doesnt come easy., the situation is complex, my sister in low is best friends with her, and knew all along, it feels as if I have been betrayed by my husband, best mate, brother and sister in low all at the same time. Would I do it again? My wife is lying to me. Make it CLEAR that you're aware of the truthbut be vague on details. Wow. But keeping secrets no. I just give you my opinion from some real life experiences. Love is really just chemical responses in the brain. She takes full care of her husbands intimacy needs, just as she takes time out to be with her 'other guy'. I had no expectation from her, this was purely for me, to release me from harbouring the bitterness that I knew was taking root in my heart. I sent it to his Dr.s office. What about telling the affair partner's spouse if the motive for doing so is to clear your conscience morally and being truthful? But I didnt get that vibe from her at all. Youre just afraid to accept the facts. I'm not sorry I did, but it probably wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. Ignoring this is not an option, it will only eat away at me. What do you think she would do if you were having an affair? E Eli-Zor Registered I was trying for medical school, and my grades were pristine. Through it all, however, I am glad that I've never fixated on the AP, nor have I wasted much energy in hostility toward him. And i would assume a great many of things as well. Confronting my wife - need advice. I need to talk to my husband and sort out issues with him. I agree with this article but sometimes the choice is taken from you. To protect her. Go right ahead. But thank God I know! Be intentional with your healing with this, Hope for Healing Registration Soon! She is being undeniably selfish towards you and your son. So what about those of us whose AP's are still hanging on through other family members? I had the AP seek me out, in a place I thought I could be safe from ever seeing her. Every once in a while she makes a new fake profile, and tries again. And why you didnt post there following the replies? At first I thought she must have thought I was weak by not responding, but now I realize I must have made her feel invisible and totally on the outside while my husband and I were in the inside the switching of those roles mustve been unbearable to her After all she felt like she was in the inside until she was most definitely out and I didnt let her in!!! My only advice is get out NOW. only to destroy our Xmas. Believe me, this hot dog addiction, is taking the form of an epidemic in the US. Start planning and executing on your plans. I greeted him Cheating is never good, and neither is confronting a cheater and hearing what they have to say. At some point my FIL will pass away and I'm sure the AP will show up at the funeral. With her 'bf' (the 'other guy') she is the $lut she always wanted to be, and has experienced multi men orgies etc which is simply unthinkable for her to imagine with her husband. I made my vowels to him, not them, dont owe them anything. What if I dont know him? Your identity and who you are has changed. Each person has to make their own decisions, but I hope you don't cause yourself any more pain. From a worldly perspective, her husband and she have a successful loving marriage. Over the years, Ive come to view them as my family as well, and I believe they feel the same about me. Doing that wouldnt make a difference Eseiegbe Efe. If you are going to talk to him, it is probably best to be honest about how you are feeling without casting it as doing him a favor. It can start with your attitude and habits toward mudane chores, and grow into appreciation for the littlest of lifes pleasures. Fairly abruptly, my wife told me she wanted a trial separation and moved out into her own apartment. I learned a language and met some of the coolest friends. Hes 25+ years my senior, very successful rich even. Thank you everyone for your patience and understanding in this matter. This is the first time in my life that Ive lived alone, and its a little exhilarating. The thing is, you WILL get through this. Apart from being married, I have an image to protect. I choose not to indulge or become a part of the negativity in the world. This is bigger than us both. Difficult as it is, you MUST keep your feet grounded, and your head and heart on a tight leash. WebBefore seeking to confront your spouses lover, consider the possibility that such a meeting may actually do more harm than good. I work through things and my coping skills are excellent. much easier to start than they are to stop. The person I need to confront is my spouse. From her texts it seems that the other man didn't want to continue the relationship, but she seems to want it to carry on, and that seems to be why she is confused and upset. makes your wife really central. There is a certain freedom there that I havent felt for a very long time. Love, romance, and other sweet unicorns and Think, coolly about these options. I cannot confront my husbands lover because I have no business with her. Which leads me to my current conundrum. I divorced him and he married her. This is the way mine went down . It is only a mad man that will do that. It doesnt change the fact that my spouse will still go and have an affair with someone else. WebI confronted my wife's lover the morning after I found out. Haven't you suffered enough? Its wrong for me to engage her lover in afight in public. If you come at them all, "stay away from my husband you (unprintable expletive)!" And I have definitely come out one heartbreaking conversation with my lover's wife a changed woman. Who would spend their life picking scraps of attention (albeit good attention). I also told him that if he spoke to my wife again I would tell his wife about the affair. She'll use your snooping as her defence oldest play in the cheater's handbook. You know what says "you are beneath contempt"? We dont take each other for granted as we now know what boundaries are non-negotiable. You'll probably fish more information out of her that way anyhow. Out of embarrassment, your spouse may grow defensive and try to minimize the problem or may even try to shift blame for his or her actions to you: There wouldnt be a problem if you werent so paranoid. Because of the unpredictability of confrontation, many spouses choose not to confront, even after they have seen early warning signs. It's been many years since that drama unfolded into a finale of heartbreak, tears, and fury. So while you may have an You haven't mentioned your age. To outsmart her and pretend, while your team gets on her case. Do not fight around him or anything. So i answered the phone. Hope for Healing Registration Soon! The pain seemed impossible to bear, but I am thankful to God for walking me through every second of it! He had been having his cake and eating it vigorously for far too long. As she escalated, I blocked her. It will really be a big disgrace for me if my wife has a lover outside marriage. Almost a year later, I believe she is giving up. Moving On: She then responded saying not to blame her blah blah. After all is said and done, some of you will still feel an overwhelming need to confront the affair partner. What she is doing is her problem, not yours. I will confront my wife and not her lover. Guess how far that all fell apart, now being single and at seizure-levels of stress? Copyright 2004 Who has little or no self worth. When you say something like that, people dont question your reasoning. Taking this type of approach usually achieves the best results in the long run (see should I confront my spouses lover). There might also be some truth in it -- but how messed up is that? To this day my ex wife does not know how I found out. I am not sorry that I did, but I probably did fuel the fire some. It's all kibbles. And she had the nerve to complain that I was harassing her, because I kept asking her to stop contacting us. Copyright 2004 I'm far away from all of that now. She was dumped by him when their 4.5 year double life came out by way of a wrongly sent text to me from my partner. Don't hector, beg, or argue. The person I have business with is my husband. The sea calls to you again. Isnt that the sh*t? I did exactly that.ignored the AP. That's totally permitted, however. That we two have serious problems and good luck. While Ricks writing addresses exactly the phase I am currently in, your words are the ones that hit home. You need to calmly explain your feelings and tell her to put herself in your shoes. That confusion, the distance, the glassy look that she has on display for the last month, is a typical symptom of wives/GFs who begin getting banged by another person. Not sure I agree with this. This is not your problem, this is hers. The last thing you want to do is let another person have the power to control your peace of mind. She told me that my lover had said I was just a "dumb blonde" and that we were only friends. I expect no apologies, no truth, no remorse. Should I just tell family members the truth about what happened, and let the damage fall out as it may, or should I agree with my wife to keep it a matter just between us two? The most important thing to remember; is every new day you are rebuilding and retooling your ship. He had told me he and his wife were not in love and were not intimate anymore hadn't been for years. Convince her to quit cheating, and work on the marriage? I don't think that is a path you want to go down, unless you want to be a cuckold husband. I hope you'll consider our EMS Online course for couples. Making a habit of going out of the house regularly will help tremendously with depression. She likes attention and drama. That hurt. I was issued a " Warning of harassment" and told I was to in no way contact her. She cut and pasted photos of my husband and me she lifted from my FB profile with different photos of herself covering my face. He was shaking for our entire conversation and got the message. Its normal to feel the way you are feeling, and to lose the grip with reality. She wanted to know everything. Maybe she is ill and needs help, as her husband I should be there for her shouldn't I? Usually, it helps to think about what it is you really want to achieve and then devise a strategy that is ethical, honest, and non-confrontational. document.write(new Date().getFullYear()) I tell her in those comments, that SHE is the fictional character, and does not exist in real life for my husband and me. I will probably always love her. Your wife does not respect you or your marriage. I traveled to a random country and got off the plane realizing it was a Muslim country. Were on the path to divorce, and family members will inevitably ask why. and go bang other women! No kids? WebYour spouse has already betrayed your trust at a very basic level, so confronting the other person may provide your spouse with the opportunity to openly demonstrate how much I believe that even if our marriage ends in divorce because of this and she chooses to settle with the other man, it wouldnt take long before reality dawns on them. Sleep in the #%(^ing middle. What was once in the dark was now in a fluorescent spotlight. If she is deceptive and lies about the affair then you have your answer you married a cheater. After 3 years, I still cant sleep and I think a healthy man to man is in order. If you are going through it, I wish you faith, hope, and persistence. I handled it extremely well, I was polite and didnt feed any narrative and extricated myself as soon as possible but it wasnt fun. I think, the storm has passed. Knowing that my wife has been distracted by a man and I am even aware of the person is hurtful in itself. If you only knew the painful path you're about to walk it's actually more painful that if you just walk away. I didn't want any details from the AP - he was 15 years older, weak, and very unattractive. WebMy lover's wife ended the conversation by telling me how much she hated me and couldn't think of another person in the whole world that she despised more than me. My focus has been on my relationship with my wife. Why? The other woman is also married. My wife claimed she had told him this already. My wife of almost 35 years told me she had had an affair with her boss and my friend almost 30 years ago. Part of HuffPost News. If I confront him, we might end up fighting and it will be a disgrace to my children and family. I will confront my wife not her lover Peter Garuba. They both mutually said the worst about me, making me a common enemy. Your spouse has already betrayed your trust at a very basic level, so confronting the other person may Does that make any difference? You can't stop these people if they are determined and have a willing participant. If they cant give you that promise, you really dont have much to work with. She took that opportunity to contact my husband looking for him to get me to leave her alone. Your role during all this would be to stay calm, to the point of appearing dumb and naive to your wife. 2018 Truth About Deception. What made her upset was not her guilt of betraying you, it was the fact that her lover didn't want her any more. You! He is committed, I thank God he had awakening from this terrible mistake. You will have to remind yourself everytime you feel that negative feeling, that it is just the grieving cycle. And if they initiate contact, block and do not engage. As @El and @happythoughts have stated, when one door closes, another opens. I remember commenting on your original post a while ago. You are wondering if she will get banged by that dude today or not. You deserve never to have to go through it again and the assurance that it will never happen again. I confronted my husband's affair partner. Hold on for two months. You cannot. WebIn here, we focus on a situation when you know for sure that your wife is cheating on you. Conflicts are Ive been struggling with whether or not to respond to my husbands ap. She was sick to her stomach. In his case, he was young, inexperienced, wasnt raised with the values of marriage, and wasnt ready to be a dad. Don't participate in this humiliating game. He would lie about the weather if I couldnt see outside the window for myself. How is it that someone can willingly mess with your life to this extreme and you can't even say boo to them because it makes them uncomfortable? It is scary, but it is so worth it. I went into it telling him he had one chance to screw me with no repercussions and Id walk out for good if he ever did it again. Ive been dwelling on the idea of confronting my wifes lover. I promise. I feel that it is great that you do the same . I came clean. Like it has ended. It gave me even more strength and let me feel better about myself. Its hard to do when the AP is the down stairs neighbor and you have to see them multiple times a day and money doesn't allow you to move for 2 more months. And I'm glad to say that we've made great progress in healing. This may be hard to understand in the cold light of day. WAKE UP! Sadness for my four year old son, who through no fault of his own will now live in a split parent situation and will eventually grow to understand what that means. Confronting her would only worsen the matter- Eunice Egwu. Let me spare you the trouble -- don't go there. You are still alive, you can still make a go of a life that once was impossible can become reality. And it might also be a pack of lies. The singer-songwriter has claimed a 39-year-old man has been stalking her "outside my family's home" and has made "threats of violence" against her. Blessings to all the betrayed out there. If she is spreading her legs and orifices wide for him to fine tune her plumbing on a daily basis, so be it. Your confrontation is fresh conversational content for your husband and his affair partner. Plus, others opinions will confuse you. Have a gameplan in place for dealing with that. He wanted change, but instead of fixing the problems, he tried the easy way out. It was against my religion, but I had no choice. There are no secrets with her family. Hard to not want to confront him. Emotional purgatory and indeed more complex and torturous than can be placed into words. Or ask your lawyer to depose them in your What advice do you have for those us whom dont seek them, they seek us BS? If they can, then at least give it another chance. Your loving wife is not a seasoned serial cheaterat least not as yet. Hi after almost 3 years the AP contacted me. Just yesterday, I met with another woman who's been sleeping with my husband for about as long as we've been married. Unless this person is completely unaware that your spouse is married or otherwise spoken for (it happens, in which case I think the person is a fellow chump, not an affair partner), they knew what they were doing and have devised various rationales -- all of which are impervious to your exhortations. Your Im like you, hate and revenge are not a part of my vocabulary. Made contact. No response this time. He didn't stand up for us. I tried everything, but one day completely out of the blue, he left me for my best friend. They didnt decide to wreck your marriage. Trust destroyed and dont think i would ever trust again. If these women didn't respond, then I would have moved on and dealt with what I knew to be true for me. I wonder if she's still married to my ex-lover and if she's happy. Even so, now you could get her to reconcile on YOUR TERMS. As much as I can move on, take responsibility, or as many times as I can apologize to my lover's wife (which I did), that kind of experience lives with you and takes up residence in your soul. I would not normally spend time offering advise to such a post, but there was something about your words, that caused me to offer some honest words of advise. Yes, bills, parenting, and life goes on. In such situations, it's not realistic to expect your spouse to stay neutral. Get professional support. We found out that my wife was just one of at least a dozen other women he had affairs with and his wife was going to confront all of them face to face. He didnt but I keep a close eye on him. Obviously, she has her own demons to battle. First, you must prepare yourself to deal with the situation in a mature manner and you TL;DR, but he does not need a PI, he has all the proof he needs. What did I learn that I could trust? It is my wife I have a business with. 2018 Truth About Deception, Examples of contacting the other person . Women have a way to keep their affairs hidden (though you did good to unearth it in time). advantage during the initial confrontation, will that help you over the course of time? While you continue to play the dumb, trusting, naive husband. 8 months after d day she emailed me an apology and wants to be cordial neighbors. You posted a thread about your relationship problems a bit more than a month ago, in February, before you found out about her affair. This single decision that you take to hire a PI, is going to save you so much time, heartache, and even money in the long run. My husband called it off and she continued to pursue him. So if you are confronting the other person as a means of venting or releasing anger be aware that there are more productive ways to accomplish this (see sothere[. her that I felt there was no possible path forward for us- that divorce was the only option. Ill disgrace myself, kids, family if I do that- Ibrahim Badmus. She was just trying to "rescue him." I cant fight a woman because of a man-Rachael Oni. She found my number on her husband's phone bill and called me. Talking to the affair partner is comparing apples and oranges. Before that happens, you need to serve her the papers. Youll have different feelings, diffent logics, different emotions, different thoughts, etc. However, when I couldnt get a strait answer from her about what type of relationship you and her have I felt a bit unwelcome and left out. Even when you come in peace such individuals prefer trouble. I find knowing this makes life decisions much easier. As you already admitted, given the situation find yourself in, your self confidence is broken, you can not think straight, and your mind is just going crazy trying to make sense of it all. Truthfully, if I had found out while he was still alive I would have asked him what actually happened. H was a truck driver and she his dispatcher. I recently discovered my husband of 19 years had been involved in an 8 month long affair with a co worker from an other town 7 hours away. Thanks everyone for your messages. How I found about the affair was her calling constantly when he was home. You haven't even been M that long! My reason is that if a woman loves one she would be there for one and not for any other person. From my perspective, after whats happened, theres a 99.9% chance of divorce, and for that 0.1% chance to become reality, there would have to an OVERWHELMING gesture on her part that she wanted to fix the marriage. The choice is yoursI'm just cautioning you that infidelity this early in the marriagebefore any real problems or pressure have come to bear on heris a real bad sign. As your wife she shouldn't be f*cking other dudes should she? Ive had to live with that dude in my life for over a decade told not to confront because of the kids. First, she says she broke things off with her lover and wanted to know if there was any possibility of reconciliation. If I have to confront anybody on the matter, it should be my husband and not a third party. Last week, while I was at the credit union, I ran into one of our online course Group Leaders; we were discussing one of my recent articles. It doesnt really matter if you confront the (lovers!). Like Robert said it really can create more issues and its not a fact that youll prove your Do you really want to help him as you say you do? 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